Marios Crappy Jobs (Spoof)

Mario’s Crappy Jobs



A spoof of Donkey Kong…. Enjoy, and go bananas!



Mario arrives to the guy who called him.

Mario:

Did someone call for a carpenter?

Guy:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Yeah, I need you to fix up the place. Put some carpets in and stuff.

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Mario:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Alright, I’ll get down to it.

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Guy:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">There is something I should warn you about, though.

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Mario:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Trust me, I can handle it, I’m sure. (Mario leaves to enter the building)

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">About 5 seconds later….

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Mario:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Sir?

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Guy:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Whats the problem with the place?

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Mario:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Uhh. Yeah about that. Did you know that theres A HUGE APE IN THERE THROWING

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">BARRELS?

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Guy:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Yes, you need to get rid of him too..

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Mario:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Sir, how does a ape even get in there and throw barrels? How does that even work?

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Guy:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I don’t know. But my plan for you is to jump over the barrels and then defeat the ape.

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Mario:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Jump over the barrels? Do you seriously think I’m skilled in that? What do you think I am, Jumpman. Next thing I’m going to have a name of CarpetMan.

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Guy:

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">   You’ve already come down here, so just take care of the problem.

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Mario:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I’m a carpenter, okay. This is my day job. You don’t wanna know about my night job, that’s why I wear these gloves. But animal control, do you really see a butterfly net in my hands and a dang mystery machine behind me?!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Guy:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Look, your job is to fix up the place and put stuff in there. So start by getting that ape away.

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Mario:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I’m a carpenter, ok that’s what I do. I use my good old hammer to put carpets in, handle wood, etc. But IM NOT ANIMAL CONTROL! But clearly I am animal control now.. controlling the dumb animal that thinks a freaking carpenter can handle a giant ape who also, by the way is throwing barrels. How convenient. I mean how stupid are you?! The IQ of my ba-bombs should not be in the head of someone.

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">(Mario picks up the hammer, as if pretending to hit stuff)

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Mario:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">How is this.. Supposed to defeat this?! (Mario impersonates an ape by pounding at his chest and growling)

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Guy:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Ok look, if you get the ape, I’ll double your pay.

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Mario:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Wow, a pay increase. That’s nice, I could use that extra money for I don’t know… FREAKING HOSPITAL BILLS WHEN THE APE BEATS ME TO A PULP! YOU GOD DAMN MONKEY MORON! What kind of shrooms are you smoking? Might as well just be gold coins that you pound out of bricks! I’m done, I’m not gonna deal with this. (Mario walks away)

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Guy:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">There’s also a pretty girl in there.

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Mario:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Did you say pretty girl? (Guy nods) Its hammer time!

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">2 weeks later

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Mario:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I can’t believe she dumped me, this is ridiculous. Hopefully this new plumbing job will cheer me up.

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">(Mario walks in the house)

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Mario:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Lets see whats wrong with your bath tub.

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">(After a few seconds, Mario quickly exits, anger on his face.

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Mario:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Unbelievable. Uncomprehendible! (Turns around) No! No! A giant turtle that breathes fire?! A GIANT TURTLE?! Ugh… maybe I should try kart racing.

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">The End

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">A couple weeks later, the same ape attacks again, this time a greenhouse. And once again someone who clearly doesn’t have the best job for it gets called over.

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Stanley:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 107%; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Hey, I’m Stanley. Did someone call for an exterminator?